080392
Parentheses - An interruption of continuity; an interval.
"This is one of the things I wasn't prepared for — the amount of unfilled time, the long parentheses of nothing" (Margaret Atwood).
“For every period of time when you exist, short or long, there is a temporal part of you that exists only then. And for any temporal parts of any objects whatsoever, there is a larger object made up of just those parts.” - John Locke
"Every time I enunciate 'I', even in my thought, an identity is assumed, and this identity is itself not simple, but a figure of a complex gathering of personal and impersonal histories, texts, discourses, beliefs, cultural assumptions, and ideological interpellations...it is not an artifact but a process." - Richard Dyer
i think the font here is too smallish ): oh well squint your eyes cos im no good at html.
well today is youth day, and im celebrating the pinnacle of my youth (i think 16 is s'posed to be the highlight of your youth) by doing all my hmwk and trying to mug a lil bit of bio. i think 16 isnt what any singaporean teen will think of as the highlight of their youth. the thing that comes straight to mind is Sec4, O Levels. so and ystd during church, we were talking abt what we are studying for, and for me i'd think of the reason as for the future. i started drifting off and thinking abt what i want to be in the future..
some of you may find it surprising, but if you rly know me enough this wont be too shocking. i've always thought of myself as having a shop in the future, selling cakes, pastry, salads, etc. the only other thing i really wanted to do was to be a paramedic :D guess where i got the inspiration from? the Panadol advertisemt. i told both of these to my parents and they told me this, "sell cakes? you cant even bake now-.- and how successful can it be?" about the paramedic thing, they say, "these kind of job very depressing one, everyday see pple die. and when others having holiday you have to work". so i guess im s'posed to go for more typical jobs such as banker, lawyer, doctor.. sighs. its not that these jobs are not meaningful, but these jobs are certainly tiring. they make you successful, but happy? to be a baker or paramedic will make me rly happy :) altho they arent remarkable jobs, but at least for a baker i get to give people happiness & everyday will feel like a funfair trying to sell my food. to be a paramedic will let me have first-hand contact with the injured & i find it meaningful to be the first person to reach them. i'll prolly not be successful as a baker or paramedic, but i'll be contented & happy (: so then, is thr any way to be successful and happy? for me, i think not.
also, i dont want to repeat my stupid story about running away to a secluded island to live my "I Shouldn't Be Alive" fantasies. did i mention i love that show? cos i'll always get dreams of myself being in some lonely african desert, surviving on nothing but my own saliva, having to watch out for hyenas, cheetahs, lions, etc. and wondering when help will come. i'd give anything to survive one night like this :] much better than sleeping in peace at home, knowing that our ever efficient whateverarmedforces or police is taking care of us, that i can eat whatever i want anytime, and that the only animal that'll ever attack me is prolly an ant -.-
also ive been thinking abt the school spirit. i've been quite troubled abt the "why dont you all want to be SCs?" with the "its the same as those managers, etc. why dont they want to be MPs?" that mr wee asked sometime ago. true, why not? if i were given a chance to be an MP, i certainly will. but SC? nah. guess i dont feel passionate enough abt the schl. really, i cant seem to feel what is the rv spirit, its still a blank in my heart after 4 yrs. guess i'll only know after i leave the schl? the schl is just lessons to me, academic stuff, never had much fun or was rly inspired to do smthg for it. on the other hand, when i went back to fairfieldpri on sat for the funfair, i truly missed the schl, the people, and i knew very well what the fairfield spirit was. its just, how do you say, family-ness. its the familiarity with the school which i spent 6yrs in, the tchrs, the friends who have now moved on, the joy of being part of it. its a place you can call home. however in this other schl, which i prolly will be spending 6yrs in too, familiarity seems to breed contempt indeed. the more you know each other, the more scandals, the more bitchfights, the more nasty gossips, the more friendships broken, the more failures, etc. maybe in pri schl we were more innocent then, maybe teenage life is just like that & its not the schl's prob. but sadly yes, thats what comes to mind when i think of rv, nothing special or memorable. tchers come & go, friends come & go, academic achievemts are over-emphasized, we are basically not enjoying our time here. notice we nv had funfairs before? i guess this is what you trade for a bright future.
one word to describe my youth: jaded
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