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YEESHUANG
080392

Parentheses - An interruption of continuity; an interval.
"This is one of the things I wasn't prepared for — the amount of unfilled time, the long parentheses of nothing" (Margaret Atwood).

“For every period of time when you exist, short or long, there is a temporal part of you that exists only then. And for any temporal parts of any objects whatsoever, there is a larger object made up of just those parts.” - John Locke
"Every time I enunciate 'I', even in my thought, an identity is assumed, and this identity is itself not simple, but a figure of a complex gathering of personal and impersonal histories, texts, discourses, beliefs, cultural assumptions, and ideological interpellations...it is not an artifact but a process." - Richard Dyer
Tuesday, November 3, 2009

  • tennis is wonderful. i really feel myself improving and there is this awesome sense of satisfaction :) but thr is always this nagging reminder of going competitive... to be honest, i didnt start off learning/joining tennis thinking i'd go competitive someday (how stupid of me, like the school will EVER start a cca which wont produce results for them). the thought of everyone watching me die on the tennis court scares me to bits. yet the coming friendly will be valuable experience before the real thing nxt yr. but i dont think im ready yet.... sighs. and then there are others who are better. i really dont know what i want for this. still, ive made a bunch of really nice friends in tennis, and they make playing tennis so enjoyable 8) happy!
  • worried for SAL JC law stuff.. dont think i deserve the place/dont think i want it engh, compared to others who have to fight for it in other schools, whom i think know a lot more and will gain much more from it than i will. guess the next best thing to do would be to read up and make the most of it (:
  • i love 5P and i still want another year in it. i cant say this enough.
  • i've always had this dream of opening a cake shop. everytime i visit one, i think, how lovely it'd be to know that each of your customer who comes in is buying smthg you made, which is so important/meaningful for someone else's special, happy day. isn't this satisfaction worth more than any of those tiresome deskjobs, even if they paid much more? is this job any less glamourous? why are successes always tied to tangible results/effects, and less of these intangibles - joy, contentment, satisfaction - as if they are not as worthy to be measured? is this also how you measure life? which reminds me of this quote/question, "How do you measure a man? By how much he gained, or by how much he gave?". why arent we all able to see beyond materialism and see the joy in giving? the fight between idealism and pragmatism never ends..
  • God is good, all the time. "He gives and takes away/ but my heart will choose to say/ Lord blessed be Your name"
  • again, the struggle between giving my emotions away to someone vs guarding my emotions. in giving my emotions to *, i am allowing myself to be vulnerable to the emotions of *, and thus putting myself up for potentially overbearing suffering. then again, the happiness that may result from it may outweigh the eventual, foreseeable heartbreak (its not my fault im this pessimistic). however, the alternative choice is even more attractive. by not opening up to * and keeping my emotions sealed/buried/forgotten, i will get over this person as fast as ive gotten over any other, with minimal emotional risk and injury. besides, you cant lose what you never had. yet after all this thinking, i am still undecided; deep down im still wishing to give love another shot, yet tired of the whole process & sick of committing. cant we just remain as very good friends, ceteris paribus? in fact, do we even have a choice in this scheme of things? how much of our destiny is up to free will? am i asking pointless questions?? am i???

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