080392
Parentheses - An interruption of continuity; an interval.
"This is one of the things I wasn't prepared for — the amount of unfilled time, the long parentheses of nothing" (Margaret Atwood).
“For every period of time when you exist, short or long, there is a temporal part of you that exists only then. And for any temporal parts of any objects whatsoever, there is a larger object made up of just those parts.” - John Locke
"Every time I enunciate 'I', even in my thought, an identity is assumed, and this identity is itself not simple, but a figure of a complex gathering of personal and impersonal histories, texts, discourses, beliefs, cultural assumptions, and ideological interpellations...it is not an artifact but a process." - Richard Dyer
Thursday, December 10, 2009
my holidays have been really busy. i havent had a day of staying at home since... before EOYS?! i am not kidding you. my favourite past-time during my busytimes is to pack myself with activities to do during my free times. so since after PW OP, its been class chalet, tennis tennis tennis, law prog (2wks), tennis, church camp. with random days of hanging out plus lots of practising for xmas performances in church lately.
my holidays are not the sort of holidays which i wouldnt mind to have more of.. which is to wake up laaaaate, eat a good and big breakfast, laze on the couch and read the papers, go for a swim, take a nap without having to set an alarm, wake up for dinner and tv, watch dvds, and chat online etc. none of the sort. so far its been last minute packing of bags (these days i just TRANSFER already lol), rushing out early in the morning, serious lack of sleep, funny tummy feelings, pimples, coming back tired for a long sleep, uploading photos, WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS of each event/group of people after each camp/chalet/prog i went to, and right the next day im whittled to the next camp/chalet/prog, with commuting time being my only free time. the worst day was just this Monday whr i went for tennis at YioChuKang, then came home (Dover) to bathe then changed bags and went off to Changi.
but its not that i dont enjoy my holidays. actually i prefer my holidays to be jam-packed, brimming with (preferably new) activities/people, filled with meaning, learning things i wouldnt be able to learn from school. but this means my enormous pile of homework is still very much untouched. sometimes i whine about being so tired & all, but i know i wouldnt be satisfied if i chose the other option of giving myself more time at home, though it could be what i really need in a holiday.
thus far SAL Lawprog was a blast, i cant wait to meet up with those Maxwell people alr. seeing those pics of others enjoying themselves at their respective firms are also nice.. think we've learnt quite a bit here. i actually love wearing work attire cos they're such good clothes and give you such a good figure, plus guys look soo much better in them hahhaha :D but well after a wk i must say im jaded abt working life already, esp the mundaneness in the morning. the crowds in the train, in uniform, reading the papers or just staring blankly. once the train doors open (at Tanjong Pagar esp), the working contingent marches out in a parade fashion, shoes clacking against the floor in an oddly orderly manner, they form queues at the ezlink gantries, the contingent turns to their right, some hands reach out for the newspaper, then sort themselves into 2 rows for the escalators, after emerging from the station finally they proceed to the traffic lights, each like a robot programmed to walk the exact same paths to their office daily. and after work the same thing happens, only everyone is less tensed (you can feel it), walking slower, chatting on the phone with dinner in their hands. during lunch and after knock off tho, the lines on the escalators are singular. dont ask me why i notice such stuff.
UB8 which i just came back from was awesome. lots of emotions running through still. there are some sweet moments which i'll remember forever.. lots of amazing stuff, things i never expected. it turned out well. love you all for making it so wonderful! (: special thanks to the advisors, pastors, and parents for their support. tho i have less words for this, UB8 actually held the most meaning for me so far compared to all the other stuff ive been to. there is simply too much to be put down here, and even if i did i doubt most will understand cos its mostly insider stuff so there is no point for me to write my feelings here. everything that needs to be said has been said last night during the sharing. only this time its different, we know it. lets keep the passion going, and keep the promises we made to ourselves, each other and God.
back for awhile and flying off tmrw early morning (see what i mean?) to thailand, phuket. this time i hope its a real holiday, cos its none of that package tour/shopping shit. brought Subhas Anandan's The Best I Could to read over there.. no homework this time. sigh i hate how i never seem to finish the books i read. 95% of the books i read are non-fiction; history, philosophy, methods of thinking and current affairs interest me most. yet however interesting the book is i never seem to finish it cos halfway thru i'll discover another one or two good books and buy them (fiction is for renting, non-fiction is forever) and then start getting so absorbed in one of them i forget abt the previous one i was reading, yet halfway thru that book i start to get hooked on another one (but this doesnt mean ive lost interest in each of the books). often, i stare at the stack of books i want to read and force myself to choose which one to put in my bag to read while commuting. sigh, what short-lived joys. i wish i could read 10 books at once.
next, for an absolutely random thought that crossed my mind: recently thr's been so many proms and pictures of proms on facebook. after looking at them i began to picture how prom will be like for us/me.. i see some seniors gng with their boy/girlfriends and i realised how i envied them. even though most of them may not end up marrying each other but years later when they look back at these photos again, those silly, happy memories will resurface. not that friends are unimportant in proms, in fact they are the one true purpose for going to the prom, but we are so bombarded by the idea that the prom should be something like a teenager's wedding day: its the day you must look your best in all of your teenage years, the day 723982031212947894 eyes will be on you to scrutinise every cm2 of your body, the day your favourite guy on earth should escort you there preferably in his dad's car, the day you step into another stage of your life, the day you've been waiting for, for so long. but is the grass really greener on the other side? i like how things are very much currently, where im not expected to put on make-up and display much decorum. i can be carefree, child-like, not lose myself in things, not get jaded about life (as much as i can), not pressured about work/money etc. they say you get more freedom as you grow older, but i would like to think otherwise. we are truly free only as a child and not at 21years of age. for eg im 4yrsold and though im contrained in my house and playground i enjoy myself very much, but now that im 17 and have a reasonable amt of freedom to go anywhr i like, i spend my days in school or glue myself to my chair at home to revise. so sadly, the days of true freedom are over before we even realise it. so is prom the beginning of the end?
my holidays are not the sort of holidays which i wouldnt mind to have more of.. which is to wake up laaaaate, eat a good and big breakfast, laze on the couch and read the papers, go for a swim, take a nap without having to set an alarm, wake up for dinner and tv, watch dvds, and chat online etc. none of the sort. so far its been last minute packing of bags (these days i just TRANSFER already lol), rushing out early in the morning, serious lack of sleep, funny tummy feelings, pimples, coming back tired for a long sleep, uploading photos, WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS of each event/group of people after each camp/chalet/prog i went to, and right the next day im whittled to the next camp/chalet/prog, with commuting time being my only free time. the worst day was just this Monday whr i went for tennis at YioChuKang, then came home (Dover) to bathe then changed bags and went off to Changi.
but its not that i dont enjoy my holidays. actually i prefer my holidays to be jam-packed, brimming with (preferably new) activities/people, filled with meaning, learning things i wouldnt be able to learn from school. but this means my enormous pile of homework is still very much untouched. sometimes i whine about being so tired & all, but i know i wouldnt be satisfied if i chose the other option of giving myself more time at home, though it could be what i really need in a holiday.
thus far SAL Lawprog was a blast, i cant wait to meet up with those Maxwell people alr. seeing those pics of others enjoying themselves at their respective firms are also nice.. think we've learnt quite a bit here. i actually love wearing work attire cos they're such good clothes and give you such a good figure, plus guys look soo much better in them hahhaha :D but well after a wk i must say im jaded abt working life already, esp the mundaneness in the morning. the crowds in the train, in uniform, reading the papers or just staring blankly. once the train doors open (at Tanjong Pagar esp), the working contingent marches out in a parade fashion, shoes clacking against the floor in an oddly orderly manner, they form queues at the ezlink gantries, the contingent turns to their right, some hands reach out for the newspaper, then sort themselves into 2 rows for the escalators, after emerging from the station finally they proceed to the traffic lights, each like a robot programmed to walk the exact same paths to their office daily. and after work the same thing happens, only everyone is less tensed (you can feel it), walking slower, chatting on the phone with dinner in their hands. during lunch and after knock off tho, the lines on the escalators are singular. dont ask me why i notice such stuff.
UB8 which i just came back from was awesome. lots of emotions running through still. there are some sweet moments which i'll remember forever.. lots of amazing stuff, things i never expected. it turned out well. love you all for making it so wonderful! (: special thanks to the advisors, pastors, and parents for their support. tho i have less words for this, UB8 actually held the most meaning for me so far compared to all the other stuff ive been to. there is simply too much to be put down here, and even if i did i doubt most will understand cos its mostly insider stuff so there is no point for me to write my feelings here. everything that needs to be said has been said last night during the sharing. only this time its different, we know it. lets keep the passion going, and keep the promises we made to ourselves, each other and God.
back for awhile and flying off tmrw early morning (see what i mean?) to thailand, phuket. this time i hope its a real holiday, cos its none of that package tour/shopping shit. brought Subhas Anandan's The Best I Could to read over there.. no homework this time. sigh i hate how i never seem to finish the books i read. 95% of the books i read are non-fiction; history, philosophy, methods of thinking and current affairs interest me most. yet however interesting the book is i never seem to finish it cos halfway thru i'll discover another one or two good books and buy them (fiction is for renting, non-fiction is forever) and then start getting so absorbed in one of them i forget abt the previous one i was reading, yet halfway thru that book i start to get hooked on another one (but this doesnt mean ive lost interest in each of the books). often, i stare at the stack of books i want to read and force myself to choose which one to put in my bag to read while commuting. sigh, what short-lived joys. i wish i could read 10 books at once.
next, for an absolutely random thought that crossed my mind: recently thr's been so many proms and pictures of proms on facebook. after looking at them i began to picture how prom will be like for us/me.. i see some seniors gng with their boy/girlfriends and i realised how i envied them. even though most of them may not end up marrying each other but years later when they look back at these photos again, those silly, happy memories will resurface. not that friends are unimportant in proms, in fact they are the one true purpose for going to the prom, but we are so bombarded by the idea that the prom should be something like a teenager's wedding day: its the day you must look your best in all of your teenage years, the day 723982031212947894 eyes will be on you to scrutinise every cm2 of your body, the day your favourite guy on earth should escort you there preferably in his dad's car, the day you step into another stage of your life, the day you've been waiting for, for so long. but is the grass really greener on the other side? i like how things are very much currently, where im not expected to put on make-up and display much decorum. i can be carefree, child-like, not lose myself in things, not get jaded about life (as much as i can), not pressured about work/money etc. they say you get more freedom as you grow older, but i would like to think otherwise. we are truly free only as a child and not at 21years of age. for eg im 4yrsold and though im contrained in my house and playground i enjoy myself very much, but now that im 17 and have a reasonable amt of freedom to go anywhr i like, i spend my days in school or glue myself to my chair at home to revise. so sadly, the days of true freedom are over before we even realise it. so is prom the beginning of the end?
Labels: sick lullabies