080392
Parentheses - An interruption of continuity; an interval.
"This is one of the things I wasn't prepared for — the amount of unfilled time, the long parentheses of nothing" (Margaret Atwood).
“For every period of time when you exist, short or long, there is a temporal part of you that exists only then. And for any temporal parts of any objects whatsoever, there is a larger object made up of just those parts.” - John Locke
"Every time I enunciate 'I', even in my thought, an identity is assumed, and this identity is itself not simple, but a figure of a complex gathering of personal and impersonal histories, texts, discourses, beliefs, cultural assumptions, and ideological interpellations...it is not an artifact but a process." - Richard Dyer
Monday, January 25, 2010
i really like to watch screensavers.
anyway. on to a more serious note,
since a week ago i've left my class. so my christmas wish wasnt granted. but "You give and take away, but my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name". the past week was really tough. i remebered feeling like crying many times during lessons at 6Q, especially whenever i see my classmates walking past, waving, smiling. it hit the hardest when i hear their laughter next door. my heart longs to be with them. although the people at 6Q are really nice to me and so welcoming and all, and ive somehow found my own place in the class, i really do prefer 6P cos of its pure innocence and craziness that lets me forget everything and live in momentary bliss. somehow its just very different at 6Q. Alevels loom in my head, i forgot how to laugh carefreely.. sadness fills me. its just very difficult to be torn away from people you've grown so attached to in the past year, suddenly. i wasnt expecting it, i thought the problem was settled, until i found out about it and carved my own path out of 6P by typing lengthy emails to the timetable comm to settle the problem due to my subject change, which was cos im freaking lousy at math and luckily CSE can save me out of my eventual A level doom. so i had to change every single class i took last year, and nearly every teacher. it took time getting used to. but im loving what im learning now. i look forward to all my lessons now! (: so thats very good i guess.
sometimes i wonder if we construct lies for ourselves, lies we want to believe in, because we simply do not have the courage to face the truth. we know there is a truth out there - which is the truth - but we choose to believe in these lies because they are easier to believe in. all of us live in constant self-denial, self-deception, even self-entertainment, only to varying degrees, and we all manage these feelings differently. some even choose to immerse themselves in further denial that they are living in denial. ironic but not untrue. hence, often, the line between the beautiful lies we craft for ourselves and the truth blurs, fades.. and someday, even some days, we could find it possible to blend and reconcile both realities to reach a comforting conclusion. or we could not, and thus will have to face that awful day when we realise that our lies have been proven wrong by the truths, that we henceforth have no other choice than to believe in the truth, thus having the beautiful lie we created for ourselves stripped away from us, grasping to find the courage to face these cold, harsh truths which we should've believed in long ago and saved ourselves much agony from that not unforeseeable realisation of self-deception/denial. some lines from Jon Mclaughlin's So Close comes to mind, "So close to reaching that famous happy ending / Almost believing this was not pretend / Let's go on dreaming, though we know we are". very apt, i cannot count how many times i've quoted this song.
i wonder a lot, and bear with me for sharing. somedays i wonder if we're all Avatars.. born to learn how to manipulate this avatar of a body, which we will soon leave eventually, definitely, someday. what remains is the soul, the substance which wills the mind and body. and this soul, could very well belong to another world, a world we were once in and will return to once again, after our short lives in this world. this coincides with the teachings of the Bible too though, but its just interesting to feel the physical world as it is... really inspired by the ideas in the movie Avatar, though they're not entirely new, raw or surprising.
i like the new principal. he makes a lot of sense. he is just what we need right now - an authoritarian hand with sound leadership. i cannot imagine a future generation of disrespectful leaders or members of society. it is good that people are debating, at least we're thinking, taking part in the moulding of our school. im all for whatever he's doing. though he can be a bit blunt, but his bluntness is not without proof (which reminds me of the whole issue of truth and lies). why sugarcoat the facts? lets just face them, and then give suggestions to improve the situation if you dont like his way of doing things. get over being disgruntled already, creating progress is the way to go.
anyway. on to a more serious note,
since a week ago i've left my class. so my christmas wish wasnt granted. but "You give and take away, but my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name". the past week was really tough. i remebered feeling like crying many times during lessons at 6Q, especially whenever i see my classmates walking past, waving, smiling. it hit the hardest when i hear their laughter next door. my heart longs to be with them. although the people at 6Q are really nice to me and so welcoming and all, and ive somehow found my own place in the class, i really do prefer 6P cos of its pure innocence and craziness that lets me forget everything and live in momentary bliss. somehow its just very different at 6Q. Alevels loom in my head, i forgot how to laugh carefreely.. sadness fills me. its just very difficult to be torn away from people you've grown so attached to in the past year, suddenly. i wasnt expecting it, i thought the problem was settled, until i found out about it and carved my own path out of 6P by typing lengthy emails to the timetable comm to settle the problem due to my subject change, which was cos im freaking lousy at math and luckily CSE can save me out of my eventual A level doom. so i had to change every single class i took last year, and nearly every teacher. it took time getting used to. but im loving what im learning now. i look forward to all my lessons now! (: so thats very good i guess.
sometimes i wonder if we construct lies for ourselves, lies we want to believe in, because we simply do not have the courage to face the truth. we know there is a truth out there - which is the truth - but we choose to believe in these lies because they are easier to believe in. all of us live in constant self-denial, self-deception, even self-entertainment, only to varying degrees, and we all manage these feelings differently. some even choose to immerse themselves in further denial that they are living in denial. ironic but not untrue. hence, often, the line between the beautiful lies we craft for ourselves and the truth blurs, fades.. and someday, even some days, we could find it possible to blend and reconcile both realities to reach a comforting conclusion. or we could not, and thus will have to face that awful day when we realise that our lies have been proven wrong by the truths, that we henceforth have no other choice than to believe in the truth, thus having the beautiful lie we created for ourselves stripped away from us, grasping to find the courage to face these cold, harsh truths which we should've believed in long ago and saved ourselves much agony from that not unforeseeable realisation of self-deception/denial. some lines from Jon Mclaughlin's So Close comes to mind, "So close to reaching that famous happy ending / Almost believing this was not pretend / Let's go on dreaming, though we know we are". very apt, i cannot count how many times i've quoted this song.
i wonder a lot, and bear with me for sharing. somedays i wonder if we're all Avatars.. born to learn how to manipulate this avatar of a body, which we will soon leave eventually, definitely, someday. what remains is the soul, the substance which wills the mind and body. and this soul, could very well belong to another world, a world we were once in and will return to once again, after our short lives in this world. this coincides with the teachings of the Bible too though, but its just interesting to feel the physical world as it is... really inspired by the ideas in the movie Avatar, though they're not entirely new, raw or surprising.
i like the new principal. he makes a lot of sense. he is just what we need right now - an authoritarian hand with sound leadership. i cannot imagine a future generation of disrespectful leaders or members of society. it is good that people are debating, at least we're thinking, taking part in the moulding of our school. im all for whatever he's doing. though he can be a bit blunt, but his bluntness is not without proof (which reminds me of the whole issue of truth and lies). why sugarcoat the facts? lets just face them, and then give suggestions to improve the situation if you dont like his way of doing things. get over being disgruntled already, creating progress is the way to go.
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